Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
