I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
