he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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