The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
