I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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