you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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