There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
