apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
