I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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