Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
