I CAN MOONWALK!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
