I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
