that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
