I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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