we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
