oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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