She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
