I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
