anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
