All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
