i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
