I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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