yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
