a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
