you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
