He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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