I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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