i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
