there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
