They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You're like the curious george of whores
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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