Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I understand Curling. That high.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
