its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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