Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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