I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
