So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
