pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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