Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
