Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Drake has all the answers
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
