that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I know her cup size but not her name....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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