found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
this just has baby written all over it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
