I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I did not marry a roomba.
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