I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
