Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
