I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
