..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
