and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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