i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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