oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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