hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
please don't ironically join a cult
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