i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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