Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
