I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
do herpes really smell.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Semen is not good for contacts.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
