Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
