we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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