when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
