why didn't you poke me back
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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