In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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