I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have fence marks all over my body
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
