the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
