I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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