I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
